


Angst Fics

by GrayCanKindaWriteStuff



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, I Can Do P Much All Musicals TBH
Genre: Angst, I just want the practice, I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-11-12 02:55:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 7,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11152761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayCanKindaWriteStuff/pseuds/GrayCanKindaWriteStuff
Summary: Hey, I'm going to post some angsty sentences below in the first fic. Comment the characters and sentence you want, and I'll write a story for you! I need the practice, so help a friend out. I can do any ships or characters you want!





	1. Here's The Sentences

**Author's Note:**

> Yeet take your pic from the sentences below :)

Angst Sentences  
1\. “You say you love me. So what? You wouldn’t be the first and you certainly won’t be the last.”

2.“I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you.”

3.“Despite what many think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself.”

4\. “Take one more step in that direction and I will kill you.”

5\. “How funny. You thought I cared.”

6.“This is what I was trying to avoid! All of this!”

7.“I am not a prize to be won.”

8.“Everyday, I need you more and everyday, you push me further away.”

9.“Nothing matters anymore.”

10.“Tell me what happened. Tell me why everything changed.”

11\. “You can’t keep hurting me and then demand I apologize instead!

12.“Jesus, you’re acting like you don’t even want to touch me!”

13.“All the money in the world can’t make you happy. How am I supposed to?”

14.“You’re so determined to protect yourself and your feelings, but what about me?”

15\. “You betrayed me!”

16\. “I’m trying, can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?”  
“You’ll die and I can’t watch the person I love die.”

17.“I don’t love you. I never have.”

18.“Do not try and spin this to be my fault instead of yours.”

19\. “For once, stop pretending you’re okay! Just talk to me!”

20\. “You loved me, you killed me.”

21\. “I’m alone and i don’t wanna feel so sad.”

22\. “You’re still not like the rest and I don’t know whats up next.”

23\. “You pretend you didn’t see me cry.”

24\. “I like you best when you’re just with me and no one else“

25\. “I was wrong, but lets be honest, you were too.”

26\. “I’m so tired, or maybe just bored, I can’t really tell the difference whenever I’m talking to you.”

27\. “Are you feeling alright? You don’t look it.”

28\. “I just heard something… Something bad…”

29\. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?!”

30\. “What’s all this blood?!”

31\. “Will you tell me what the fuck is going on?”

32\. “Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

33\. “You should probably sit down for this.”

34\. "Do I really mean nothing to you?"

35\. "I never meant to hurt you!"

36."You are worth less than dirt to me."

37."We could have been happy together..."

38\. "I should've protected you!"

39\. "Will you stay with me till I'm gone?"

40\. "Don't leave me here, please!"

41."It was my fault... it was all my fault!"

42\. "I don't want to die-!"

43\. "Please give me another chance!"

44\. "It's okay... I wasn't meant to survive this."

45\. "Please forgive me..."

46\. "I'm dying and you can't stop it."

47\. "You're dying and I can't stop it!"

48\. "I only came to say goodbye."

49\. "Stay with me!"

50\. "I thought you loved me. I was wrong."

51\. "I thought I loved you. I was wrong."

52\. "Please don't hurt me!"

53\. "I don't want to see you."

54\. "I'm so sorry..."

55\. "I hate you." 

Enjoy! If you guys like any particular story and want me to turn it into a series, comment on the story you liked and I'll consider it!!! Love you guys!!


	2. Eight Months, Twelve Days, And Three Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't need you. I don't need any of you."

Eight months, twelve days, and three hours ago.

That was the last time Jake Dillinger saw his parents. And he was fine with it. His parents had been only intermittently in his life since around eighth grade. Sure, it got lonely sometimes, but… he was used to it. It didn’t bother him anymore. Nothing really bothered him anymore. It was easier to wake up and paint on a smile than show people how what they did- what they SAID- really bothered him.

“Jake’s so lucky that his parents aren’t around!”

“His life must be perfect!”

Whenever people said that, Jake internally cringed. Did they know how much he missed having parents? He’s alone, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. One Friday, he was hit by the sudden realization that if he dropped dead then and there, nobody would notice for… maybe a week. It’s not like he had people to look out for him.  
Well, that’s what he thought. Jake was so busy drowning in his own loneliness, he didn’t notice his friends trying to throw him life preservers.

“Hey, Jake, wanna hang out this Saturday?”

“Jakey D! Let’s go do something fun!”

Jake never took them up on the offers.

One day, Chloe pulled him aside at one of his infamous parties, which had been happening less and less frequently over the last few months.  
“Hey, Jake. Are you ok? You’ve been acting really distant recently. You never come do anything with us anymore. We have to beg you to throw parties. You know we’re here for you. You can come talk to us.” She said, trying to sound as sympathetic to Jake’s situation as possible.

“I don’t need you. I don’t need any of you.” Jake spat. “All of you just come here. You eat my food. You use my house. But by god, you don’t care about me. You’re only just now noticing how sad and lonely I am because I’ve stopped throwing fucking parties! You don’t care, so STOP PRETENDING YOU DO! LEAVE! ALL OF YOU JUST LEAVE!”  
Jake sat down and put his head in his hands. Even surrounded by people, he’s never felt so... alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a gift to HopeWolfgang, who requested Be More Chill with sentence two! Hope you enjoy!


	3. I'm A Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse 
> 
> "Please don't hurt me!"

Chloe Valentine never thought twice about hitting people.

It was simply a norm in her house. Growing up with two sisters and four brothers meant that hitting each other was just everyday life. Siblings too loud and mom’s on edge? Just smack them and they’ll stop. Little brother steals your computer for Minecraft or something stupid like that? Punch him, he’ll give it back. If she was taking too long talking on the home phone? Mom would come back and smack you upside the head.

  
The point is, she had never known that that’s not normal. She didn’t know that’s not how normal families worked. Until her first fight with her new girlfriend, Brooke.

  
“You’re awful! You can’t say I’m not allowed to do things like go out with friends, Chloe! Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean you own me!” Brooke yelled through her tears. “You ASSHOLE!”

Chloe gritted her teeth and slapped Brooke as hard as she could across the face. The second her palm connected with Brooke’s head, she realized she had made a terrible mistake. Brooke fell down hard, dazed, hitting her head again on the wooden floor of Chloe’s bedroom.

  
Chloe dropped to her knees.

  
“Oh my god, babe, are you alright? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” She panicked.

  
Brooke sat up, rubbing her head where Chloe hit her. The second she made eye contact with Chloe, she burst into tears.

  
"Please don't hurt me!" she begged, scrambling to her feet.

  
“I didn’t mean to-” Chloe tried to apologize.

  
“Get away from me, you- you-” Brooke couldn’t complete the sentence through her emotions. She ran out of the room as fast as she could, fearful that Chloe would hit her again.

  
Chloe slumped over. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to-”

  
She looked at the palm of her hand, still red from the initial hit.

  
“I’m a monster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for AlysanneBlackwood, who requested Pinkberry with sentence 52! I hope you enjoyed!


	4. Faking Your Own Suicide Probably Wasn't The Best Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide 
> 
> "We could have been happy together..."

JD looked up at his girlfriend’s lifeless body, hanging from a rope in her closet. 

  
"We could have been happy together..." His voice cracked. “I loved you.”

 

In all honesty, his love for Veronica (or was it simply lust? He couldn’t tell.) had been the only real emotion he had felt since his mother had died.

 

“I can’t be really alone now, can I?” He sighed. “I don’t want to be alone.”

 

He actually doesn't feel alone. He doesn't feel anything. He can't feel.

 

He doesn’t remember how.

 

“Veronica…” He looked up at her one last time. 

  
“I’m so sorry. But I’ve got to go through with my plan. In the words of the immortal Sweeney Todd, “Everyone deserves to die.” And I guess you were no different. I guess I’ll see you in Heaven, babe.”

He left the room, a strange, eerie smile on his face and murder in his heart.

 

Behind him, Veronica twitched.

 

“Oh thank god, he left! Now I can get down from here and stop him!” She gasped her eyes opening. She twisted her body to get free of the too-large noose, and-

 

Veronica had moved too quickly, and in the wrong direction.

 

Suddenly, the noose tightened. Much too fast.

 

Veronica’s neck snapped before she had the chance to asphyxiate.

 

Looks like the suicide wasn’t faked anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for Pandabee, who requested JD and Veronica with sentence 37! Hope you enjoyed it!


	5. Nosebleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's all this blood?!"

“Fuck.” 

Evan sighed. Blood was dripping from his nose faster than he could stop it. Evan was really bad at fighting- but he had to now that the truth had come out about all his lies. People would just come up to him in the halls and beat the shit out of him- and they had every reason to. He deserved it.

He ran to the nearest school bathroom and tried to clean his face up.

Evan sighed and tried to mop up some extra blood that had fallen on the floor. 

“What’s all this blood?!” Evan heard Connor say. 

“I got punched.” He sighed. “It’s no big deal.”

“Dude, of course it’s a big deal! You’re hurt!” 

“Connor, I’m ok.” Evan smiled.

“Need some tissues? There’s some over there.” Connor offered.

“Thanks.” Evan went and got some, and finished stifling the blood. 

“Dude, you can’t just fight everyone who insults you.” Connor smiled softly.

“I didn’t want to fight them.He just kinda… Punched me.” 

“Dude… Just stop.” Connor sighed. “Admit it. You’re pathetic. You can’t even fight off some assholes. You LOSER.”

“SHUT UP!” Evan covered his ears. “YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL!”

"You're pathetic. Terrible. Nobody likes you, you know. They all hate you. You're better off dead."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

And Connor was gone. 

Evan wiped the remaining blood up off the floor. He knew he’d being hearing Connor’s disembodied voice until he died. 

Oh, god, he hoped it would be soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Diapason, who wanted Tree Bros with sentence 30! Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Rebound Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “For once, stop pretending you’re okay! Just talk to me!”

“Are you feeling okay, Martha?” Veronica asked.

Martha smiled sadly.

“Veronica. You don’t need to keep asking if I’m feeling well. I already told you, the pillows don’t really hurt my legs anymore. The bone are healing!” She said softly. 

“Are you sure, M? I’m just trying to look out for you. I’m like, trying to be a good friend, you know? I’m trying to show I, like, care and stuff.” Veronica frowned.

“I know, V. Can’t we just sit back and watch the Princess Bride in piece?” Martha replied, trying to smooth over the obvious tension between the two girls. Her even tone couldn’t disguise the hidden contempt behind her voice.

“But…” Veronica tried to hold her tongue, and failed. “For once, stop pretending you’re okay! Just talk to me!” 

“You… You want me to TALK to you?” Martha’s normally docile nature was failing her. “Ok, Veronica- or should I say Heather Sawyer.” she gritted her teeth.

“Oh, Martha, are you really still mad about that...” Veronica tried to calm her.

“Yes, I’m still mad about that! You and I have been best friends since diapers, and then you dump me like a sack of old potatoes, which, let’s face it, is what everyone thinks I look like anyway-” 

“That’s not true and you know it.” Veronica cut in. 

“Shut up! Just shut up! You can’t leave me, and then when it gets rough with your new friends, come crawling back to me! I’m not here to be your rebound friend! I'm supposed to be your BEST friend! We were supposed to be a team!” Martha yelled. By this point, the movie playing in the background was being completely ignored.

“We ARE a team, M.” 

“No. We’re not.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for PoptartCrumbs with sentence 19. Hope you enjoyed!


	7. God He's Such A Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m so tired, or maybe just bored, I can’t really tell the difference whenever I’m talking to you.”

Jake’s parties are- or were, rather, seeing as he won’t be having them without a house- famous for running late. 

This time, it was just past one in the morning and the party hadn’t ended yet.

Michael yawned. 

“Why do we have to stay out so late? All of Jake’s parties are always SO LAME. Besides, you don’t even really like parties! Can’t we just go home and play video games?” He pleaded.

Jeremy looked uncomfortable. “I… I wanna stay…” He lied. The large crowd was making him incredibly uneasy. 

“Jeremy, are you ok? You look kinda sick…” Michael put his hand gently on Jeremy’s shoulder.

“Make him stop touching you. He’s ruining what little credibility you have, Jeremy. I’m only trying to help.” Jeremy's squip hissed from the back of his mind. “Get him off.” 

He complied.

"Jer? Talk to me, buddy." Michael bit his lip.

“Oh, it's nothing. I’m so tired, or maybe just bored, I can’t really tell the difference whenever I’m talking to you.” He shrugged Michael’s hand off his shoulder and looked him dead in the eyes.

Jeremy bit back a scream. 

Michael’s eyes brimmed with betrayal. “J-Jeremy? That’s not like you at all.”

“Don’t touch me, you-” Jeremy gulped. “You  loser .” 

The minute that word left his best friend’s tongue, Michael knew his Jeremy- the Jeremy he had loved since 7th grade- was gone for good. 

Michael knew that the old Jeremy had taken his heart with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for sleepybaz, who wanted any BMC characters with sentence 26. Hope you enjoy!


	8. Upgrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are worth less than dirt to me."

"You are worth less than dirt to me."

If the squip could grin, it would be now. 

“If I wasn’t implanted inside your head, I wouldn’t associate with you. Hell, it’s a wonder anybody DOES associate you. Nobody likes you.”

Jeremy closed his eyes.

“That’s… that’s not true.” He said, half to the squip and half to himself. 

“People like me. I… I have Michael, and my dad, and…”

Jeremy stopped. He had ran out of people.

“See? Nobody. Michael doesn’t like you. You broke his heart. Your father hasn’t cared about you since your mother left. All he cares about is the television and if the delivery boy will be here on time.”

Jeremy knew it was true.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He screamed, failing to drown the squip out.

“Just give up, Jeremy. Let me take control. I’ll make people care about you. I’ll make your father love you again.” 

Jeremy bit his lip.

“Just… Just do it quickly, ok?”

“UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT A!”

And Jeremy was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Beloved_Of_John, who requested BMC characters with sentence 36! Hope you enjoyed!


	9. No Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyday, I need you more and everyday, you push me further away!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading, been busy :/

 

Evan sniffled. It had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was go home and lay down. But no, he had more of Connor’s bullshit to deal with. He had gotten home, and Connor had began to bombard with him complaints and requests and just… annoyances.

 

“Evan, did you see that the wifi went out today?”

 

“Evan, can you go get me a pizza?”

 

“Evan, I’m bored!”

 

Evan was fine with dealing with it. He liked Connor. He could handle it. But jesus, would it kill Connor to care about Evan as much as Evan cared about him? Evan decided it was time to give Connor a piece of his mind.

 

“I-I won’t let you walk o-o-over me anymore. I feel t-that you don’t care about m-m-me anymore.” Evan rehearsed his speech, working up the courage to confront Connor. He walked into the living room. 

 

“C-Connor? Can we talk?” Evan gulped.

 

Connor looked up from the television.

 

“Hm? What’s up, Ev?” He said.

 

Evan took a deep breath. “I-Iwon’tletyouwalko-o-over meanymore. Ifeelt-thatyoudon’tcareaboutm-m-meanymore.” He said as quickly as he could.

 

“What? I literally have no clue what you just said.” Connor’s smile fell.

 

“I want you to stop taking advantage of my kindness.” Evan said, spitting the words out.

 

“I don’t think I know what you mean.”

 

“While I’m at school all day, you stay at my house and watch television. You eat all my food. Jesus, dude, I don’t feel like you care about me anymore. I feel like you’re just using me!”

 

Connor looked at him. He blinked once, twice, and then burst into tears.

 

“I’m not! I’m not trying to!”

 

“Well, I need you to at least ACT like you care about me, then!”

 

“Look, I’m only acting like this for attention! Everyday, I need you more and everyday, you push me further away! You’re always so busy with school and Jared and Alana and Zoe, and I never see you anymore!”

 

“That doesn’t excuse my feelings, Connor!”

 

“If only you paid more attention to me, I wouldn’t be like this!”

 

“Don’t you dare blame this on me. Don’t you dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Snowvee, who requested Connor/Evan with sentence 8! Hope you enjoy!


	10. Eyes Almost As Blue As That New Crayola Crayon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcoholism 
> 
> "I'm alone and I don't wanna feel so sad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are these getting better or worse I can't tell

Rich was never really a “casual drinker” with his squip in. It always stopped him after around half a drink, due to its inability to work with more than that amount of alcohol in his system. And Rich was fine with that. He had seen what drinking did to members of his family, such as his alcoholic father. He didn’t WANT to drink any more than that.

Until he had the squip removed.

 

The silence inside- and outside-  his head was DEAFENING. Nobody talked to him. Ever since the fire, he was seen as “dangerous” and his peers avoided him whenever possible.

 

Even Jake.

 

Especially Jake.

 

Whenever Rich tried to talk with him in the halls or somewhere public like that, Jake’s brilliant blue eyes would meet Rich’s muddy brown ones.

 

“What was that inside them?” Rich wondered to himself. It took a while for him to place the emotion. Guilt? Sadness? Regret?

 

Fear. It was fear he saw, he realized. Jacob Dillinger, his best friend since second grade, feared him. It was a terrible thought.

 

It was the thought that first drove him to drink. It started out slow. One beer a day. Then gradually two. Until he could drink a whole six-pack in a day and a half.

 

However, when he drank, he wasn’t an angry drunk like his father. A small saving grace in the otherwise mess that was his life.

 

He only drank at home. Alone. Where else would he drink it, anyway? He had no friends and no parties to go to.

 

He only drank at home. Until the one time he didn’t.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jake hobbled over to him. “Dude, are you wasted?” He said, shocked.

 

“S-so what if I’m a _little_ drunk?” Rich slurred. “What are y-you doing here, anyway?”

 

“I’d like to think I have every right to hang out in the at where my house was, Richard. I don’t think you do. Especially not drunk off your ass.” Jake replied coolly.

 

“S-shut up, Jacob.”

 

“Don't call me "Jacob", _Richard._  Why do you do this to yourself, anyway?” Jake inched a little closer to him.

 

“Do what? D-drink? Well. Let’s see. I’m alone and i don’t wanna feel so sad.” He said bluntly.

 

“You’re not completely alone.” Jake placed his hand gently on Rich’s shoulder, tensing up a little in dread.

 

“You’re right. Thank you.” Rich looked up at Jake. At Jake’s eyes. His beautiful, blue, fearful eyes.

 

He stood on his tiptoes and kissed Jake.

 

“What the fuck?” Jake pulled away immediately. “What the actual fuck, Rich?” He wiped his mouth.

 

“I-I thought we were having a moment or something-” Rich tried to defend himself.

 

“We might have. But that chance is gone. Please, just stop. Leave me alone, you drunken asshole. Leave me ALONE! ” Jake got out of there as fast as he could on two broken legs, leaving Rich alone in the ashes of Jake’s house.

 

“W-w-what did I do?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Silentsyd, who requested RichJake with sentence 21! Enjoy!


	11. Drove Him To Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide 
> 
> “You can’t keep hurting me and then demand I apologize instead!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez I'm bad about posting sorry

Zoe wiped a tear off her cheek. “That… that really hurt, Connor.”

“So? I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” He sneered.

“Just because it’s true didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, goddammit!”

“Y-You’re fat. Nobody likes you. You’re stupid, and ugly, and you’re gonna end up like me!” He laughed maniacally. “We’re gonna die alone!”

“Stop! Just stop!” She began to cry again. “Why are you so fucking mean?’’

“Because- Because- I don’t know, ok? Just apologize to me and we can both just go back to our rooms and forget we ever fought.”

“I’m sorr-” Zoe started to say. She took a deep breath. “Actually, no.” 

“What? No?”

“God-fucking-dammit, Connor! You can’t keep hurting me and then demand I apologize instead! I hate you! I wish you were dead!” She said, not thinking.

“I wish I were dead too!” Connor turned around and went to his room. He slammed the door. 

Little did Zoe know that that would be the last thing she ever said to her brother.

Two hours later, Mrs. Murphy walked into her son’s room to check on him and found Connor dead.

Her scream could be heard for miles, it seemed like.

He had killed himself.

When Zoe was told what had happened, she broke down. 

Everyone thought it was due to natural reasons- Her brother was dead, after all. 

“Give the poor girl a break.” They said. “She just lost her brother.”

But it wasn’t due to loss. It was due to guilt.

She knew she was the reason he was dead.

She had made him do it. 

She would live with that guilt all of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for M, (yes, just the letter M- it's not a typo) who requested sentence 11 with Connor and Zoe. Hope you enjoy!


	12. Don't Do Weed, Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: drugs (if you count weed as a drug) 
> 
> "How funny. You thought I cared."

Brooke sighed.

The pint of ice cream on her lap was melting, and her girlfriend -and best friend- still hadn't shown up for their biweekly movie date.

  
‘Chloeee where r u?’ She texted her, getting impatient.

The Princess Bride wasn't going to watch itself, and the strawberry ice cream definitely wasn't getting any less melty.

  
‘Sorry babe I'm gonna be a minute’ Chloe texted her back a few minutes later. 

‘what why’ she replied, growing uneasy. 

‘Something else came up, something important. Gtg love you’ Chloe signed off.

  
Brooke bit her pinky nail down to the quick. Chloe would never abandon her- not unless it was important as hell.

  
“She must be in trouble or something...” Brooke worried. She shot off another quick text to Chloe.

  
‘Are you ok??? Do you need me to come pick you up??’

  
There was no reply.

  
‘Chloe Marie Valentine answer me this second’

  
Just when Brooke was about to walk out the door, ready to fight a man, to look for Chloe, she walked into Brooke’s room. She smelled like weed and nacho cheese Doritos- not an appealing mixture.

  
“You ditched me to get HIGH?” Brooke’s jaw dropped.

  
“Relax, B.” She giggled. “I ran into Dustin Kropp in the parking lot of the 7-11. He offered me a hit from his bong. Long story short, I ended up staying twenty minutes more than I was meant to.”

  
“Do you have any idea how much I was worried about you?” Brooke shot back. “I thought you cared about me! About this! About us!”

  
“Awww. How funny. You thought “I cared”.” She sneered. “All I care about is myself. You gotta look out for number one in this world.”

  
The one thing Brooke really, really hated about Chloe is that when she gets high, she spills out all her emotions. Which means that what she's saying now is how she really feels. 

  
“You really wanna look out for number one? Do it on your own. We’re through. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.” Brooke said, finally snapping.

  
“Aww, babe, you don't really mean that, do you-” 

 

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for TheTransparentStudent (who apparently reads all my fanfics so hi babe ily) who requested Pinkberry with sentence 5! Hope you enjoyed!


	13. We're Failing Miserably

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicide, murder 
> 
> "For once, stop pretending you're ok! Just talk to me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus take the wheel I haven't slept in two days

"J.D.?" Veronica asked one afternoon. "What happened to your mother?"

"My mother?" He replied, puzzled.

"Yeah. There's pictures all over the house. Where is she?"

“Yeah, my mother died when I was in Kansas. Suicide. She fucking killed herself.” J.D. looked into Veronica’s eyes. “Walked right into a building as my dad was about to blow it up. Crazy, huh? I still remember her waving at me through the window just before she exploded.”

  
“What the fuck, J.D.?” Veronica looked down. “That’s a different level of messed up.”

  
“Yeah. Yeah, it kinda is.” He chuckled. “Sometimes, when I sleep, I can still hear her voice.”

  
“J.D., do you need to talk?” Veronica placed her hand gently atop his.

  
“Nah, I’m fine. Don’t worry. It’s totally normal to hear your dead parent’s final words to you every night before you fall asleep.”

  
“Jason Dean.” She used his full name, trying to find the right words for this scenario. “That's so fucked up.”

  
“It's not even the tip of the fucked-up iceberg!” He laughed.

  
“J.D…. Talk to me.”

  
“I already told you, I’m FINE.” He pulled away from her.

  
Veronica lost her temper. “Jesus Christ, Jason! For once, stop pretending you're ok! Just talk to me!” She snapped.

  
“You don't know what my world looks like.” He said solemnly.

  
“Try me!”

  
“I fantasize about murder. And suicide. I guess it runs in my family, huh?”

  
“Jason…” a touch of desperation crept into her voice.

  
“Veronica. Shut up. I don't want to talk anymore.”

  
“Jason Dean…” she pleaded.

  
“Just... Just shut up and hold me.” He said, leaning in to her.

  
So she did. They sat there there together, two broken people trying to fix each other, and failing miserably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for penguinpatrolerarmy, who requested J.D. And Veronica with sentence 19! Hope you enjoyed!


	14. Cinnamon And Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought you loved me. I was wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt me to write so you'd better leave some freaking comments this time (nahhhh jk ily guys)

Michael Mell had disappeared from the party long ago, and nobody noticed.

 

Well, not for a while, at least. Around halfway through the party, Madeline really had to pee, and she checked the downstairs bathroom. Much to her dismay, it was locked- and by the looks of the line of angry girls waiting outside, it had been locked for a while. Drunk and angry, Madeline did what all she thought was best- she went to go find Jake and yell at him for what his guest was doing.

 

“J-Jake Dillinger! S-someonth’e in your downstairths bathroom!” She yelled, starting to slur her words.

 

“Who is it?” A remarkably sober Jake responded.

 

“Lemme check.” She wobbled back to the line of girls, who informed her of the name of the boy currently stuck in the bathroom.

 

“It’the Michael! Michael Mell!” She yelled back out to Jake.

 

“Well, shit. Who’d he come here with?”

 

At this moment, Jeremy thought it would be prudent to chime in.

 

“Me.” He said quietly, trying to avoid associating himself with Michael.

 

“You, Heere?” Jake nodded at him. “Go check on him, would you?”

 

“Sure.” Jeremy made his way to the bathroom and shooed all the girls away, but not before telling them the location of the hidden upstairs bathroom.

 

He wanted to talk to Michael, alone.

 

“Michael? Are you in there?” Jeremy knocked on the door. “You’ve been in the bathroom for a while… Jake sent me to come check on you… Are you ok?”

 

“Hm?” Michael was finishing wiping the tears off his face onto a small hand towel that reeked of cinnamon and failure.

 

“Can I come in? Please?” Jeremy bit his lip, beginning to get worried about Michael.

 

“Not right now. I’m… yeah, just.. Not now, Heere.” Michael said.

 

Jeremy winced. “Ouch. “Heere”? Michael, are you mad at me?”

 

“Yeah, dumbass, I’m mad at you!” Michael shot back. “You abandoned me for popularity or some stupid shit like that!”

 

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds bad.”

 

Michael muttered something unintelligible.

 

“I don’t understand.” Jeremy said, genuinely confused.

 

“I thought you loved me. I was wrong.” Michael said softly under his breath.

 

“I’m sorry, what? A little louder, Michael.” Jeremy frowned. Not that Michael could see him through the door, but still.

 

“I THOUGHT YOU L-LOVED ME, OK?” Michael raised his voice. “I LOVE YOU, JEREMY HEERE! AND I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME TOO! BUT I WAS WRONG- YOU ONLY LOVE YOURSELF!”

 

“Too loud! Too loud!” Jeremy tried to calm Michael down, only concerned about his own image.

 

“Twelve years, Jer! We’ve been friends for twelve years!” Michael was nearly about to break down again. “Of course I love you- who wouldn’t, after all that time?”

 

Jeremy looked around nervously, trying to see if anyone was listening in.

 

“But why would you ever love someone like me?” Michael said, the tears starting to flow. He slumped with his back to the door, hugging his knees to his chest.

 

Jeremy unknowingly mimicked him on the other side of the door. “I love you too, Michael.” He sighed.

 

“Wait, really?” He lifted his head from his lap.

 

“Yeah.” Jeremy said.

 

“Why didn’t you ever say anything before?” Michael wiped his face on his sleeve, ignoring the towel.

 

“Because who could ever love a loser like you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Angst_Mom™, who requested Michael/Jeremy with sentence 50! And I threw in the MITB scene, too ;) Hope you enjoy!


	15. Super Burn It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please forgive me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH I don't think you guys know how much I love reading your comments you're the best ily

A single flash of red was all it took for Jeremy’s wandering eyes to find the person he was looking for.

 

“Michael!” Jeremy said, catching up to his ex-best friend in the hallway. “There you are! Where have you been?”

 

“Around.” Michael shrugged. He pulled up his headphones over his ears and turned up the volume, trying to get away from Jeremy.

 

“Come on, Michael. Don’t act like that, please.” he said, frowning.

 

“Act like what?” Michael feigned ignorance.

 

“You know. All weird and distant.”

 

“I’m not being “weird and distant”, Heere. Can I get to biology now?” Michael turned away to leave, but before he did Jeremy grabbed his arm. He spun around and glared at Jeremy, a strange mixture of hatred and pity in his normally kind eyes.

 

Jeremy flinched under Michael’s hateful gaze. “Wait! Michael! Please forgive me…”  He looked down, unable to meet his eyes any more.

 

“I know I don’t deserve your mercy. I probably only deserve for you to detest me. To despise me. To abhor me, even. But god damn it, I just can’t stand for you to ignore me any longer! Go ahead. Hit me. Hurt me. Just-” He stifled a sniffle. “Just acknowledge my existence, please. Because I can’t stand any more of this.”

 

Looking at Jeremy, Michael’s heart and mind split in two. 

 

On one hand, he still loved Jeremy, and he couldn’t just write off his feelings. He wanted nothing more than to take Jeremy into his arms and tell him that everything was going to be ok, he still loved him, he wasn’t mad anymore, everything was going to be ok.

 

On the other hand, he hated Jeremy. Jeremy had abandoned him. He had left him. He had  lied to him. And that part of Michael wanted to crank the volume up on the headphones more, hearing loss be damned, walk to biology class, and never speak to Jeremy Heere again for as long as he lived.

 

Michael’s conflicting emotions did battle for a couple of minutes, but in the end he took his hand off of Jeremy’s chest and pulled him into a hug. Jeremy sighed deeply, exhaling the warm air into Michael’s chest.

 

“I’m so sorry, Michael.” Jeremy said, trying very hard not to cry again.

 

“Yeah, I got that part.”

 

“Do you forgive me? Do you still love me?”

 

Michael thought for a minute, and then smiled cruelly, letting go of Jeremy.

 

“Oh, Jeremy. Who could ever love a loser like you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for mindlesszodiac, who requested Michael/Jeremy with sentence 45! Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Also feel free to yell at me in the comment section hate myself too


	16. Not A Real Chapter- Just An Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jesus christ I'm sorry

Hey guys, I'm gonna close fic requests from here on out. Once I finish the 20+ I've got left, I might reopen them, but they're starting to pile up and it's really not good for my mental health. Don't worry, if you requested one before July 7, it'll be written, but... this is just a little heads-up, ok? I'm starting to lose sleep worrying about writing all of these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for the sake of my mental stability, hope you enjoy!


	17. You Can Get Addicted To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't just hurt me and then demand I apologize instead!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are getting longer I'm proud of myself- also this is really out-of-character for Evan I know just please don't yell at me I was getting desperate here

“Look, Evan. Dude.” Jared pushed his glasses up on his nose.

“While I saw what you were trying to do originally- make the Murphys feel better, or whatever- don’t you think faking emails from their dead son is kind of creepy? Or, ya know, completely messed up?” He asked Evan, making uncomfortable eye contact with him.

“Just- just write the emails, Jared.” Evan turned away from him, muttering something unintelligible to Jared’s ears. 

“Whatever you say.” Jared hesitated for a second. “Just promise me something, ok?” 

“Sure.” Evan rolled his eyes, just wanting Jared to do as he said and shut the hell up. “What is it, Kleinman?” 

“You’re… you’re definitely not exploiting the Murphys, right? For money, or… For Zoe? Right?” Jared bit his lip.

Evan opened his mouth to respond, but closed it just as suddenly, rethinking what he was going to say next. Instead, he walked over to Jared to read what he had written. Evan stood right behind Jared, his broken arm lying on the seated boy’s shoulder. 

“What do you think?” Jared stopped typing and rested his fingers on the keyboard. 

In response, Evan slammed down the computer lid onto Jared’s hands. Hard. 

Jared yelped. “What was that for? Jesus fucking christ, that hurt!” 

“Don’t you dare assume that about me!”  Evan yelled, not caring about Jared’s fingers. “Apologize! Right now!” 

“What? What the fuck??” Jared swore. “You can’t keep hurting me and then demand I apologize instead!” 

“Yes, I can! And i’ll do it again, too!” Evan was bright red. “You’re slandering me, saying all kinds of untrue things about my relationship with the Murphys!” 

“I’m- I’m only making sure you’re- Wow, this whole situation is so fucked up.” Jared bent and flexed his fingers, making sure they still worked. 

“Shut up and type, Kleinman.” Evan said, still seething in anger.

“You know what? No.” Jared stood up and picked up his computer. “This is messed up. I’m outta here- forget this shit.” 

“Wait, Jared, no-” Evan’s eyes widened. He knew that he couldn't forge these emails alone. “I still need you!” 

“Please, just leave me alone, Evan. I’ll stop.” Jared said, edging toward the door. 

Evan was silent for a minute, but then he sighed. “Go. Just never talk to me again, Kleinman.” 

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Jared left. 

Evan sunk down into the chair Jared had just abandoned, dropping his head into his hands. “Jesus christ.” 

His heart was pounding almost out of his chest, the weight of confrontation pushing down on him. If it had been anyone other than Jared, he wouldn't have been brave enough to do that- but since it was Jared… 

Evan shook his head. WHY had he done that? He had practically thrown a hissy fit here in his bedroom. He hadn't done that since he was a toddler, and he was nearly on the verge of tears from a nearly offhand comment Jared had made about Zoe. Was his desire to belong to a real family so great that he had really physically hurt his closest- well, only- friend? 

Yes, it was, he decided. The sense of love, of family, of belonging was so strong in the short time he had already spent with the Murphys was so great, so strong, that he had gotten hooked. Addictive, even. 

Evan pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the website Jared was using to write the emails. He grimaced- he had a lot to write, and it was going to be a long night.

He just hoped it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Guest or something who requested Jared and Evan with sentence 11! Hope you enjoy!


	18. A Better Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: past suicide
> 
> "For once, just stop pretending you're ok! Just talk to me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate everything ugh

Larry Murphy shuffled slowly down the hallway he nearly never walked down anymore. The one with the peeling wallpaper and the crooked pictures on the walls. The one with the faded baby-blue carpet that smelled vaguely of baby powder. He stopped at his son’s door and pushed it open.

 

Everything was just as Connor had left it- clothes on the floor, bed unmade, posters askew. Everything was the same, but at the same time there was a lingering air of difference all around him.  

 

You see, a few days ago he would have never been allowed in here. Connor would have chased her out, yelling at him about “invading his privacy” and to “get the hell out”. This had happened enough times that after a while he had just… stopped trying.

 

Larry sat down at the swivel chair he faintly remembered assembling with Connor a few years back. It was one of their only good memories together- Larry had put on his favorite “dad” playlist and the two of them had assembled the desk and chair, singing along to Bon Jovi and Michael Jackson. Larry closed his eyes, savoring that now-bittersweet memory.

 

As he thought about that, a different memory kept flashing just beyond his eyes, trapped in his subconscious. A sadder one.

 

The last time he saw Connor alive was exactly 3 days and 4 hours ago. Larry was getting ready for work- he distinctly remembered fixing his tie as he walked by his admittedly estranged wife talking to- no, YELLING- at Connor through his door.

 

“For once, stop pretending you’re ok! Just talk to me!” Cynthia was practically weeping, shouting at Connor through a closed door.

 

“Leave me alone, mom! I’m FINE!” Connor yelled back, opening the door just a crack.

 

And that’s where Larry chimed in, the part he blamed himself for, the sentence that probably lead to his son’s suicide (so he thought, anyway). “Oh, let him be, Cynth. He’s just an emotional teenager. Connor’s fine. He’ll open up in a few days. He’s only overreacting.” He said, rolling his eyes.

 

Connor’s door opened all the way, exposing a disheveled teenage boy with deep purple bags under his red, bloodshot eyes. He didn’t say anything- just glared at his father and then slowly closed the door.

 

That door slowly closing would haunt Larry’s dreams forever- he knew it would. He opened his eyes and stood up, leaving the swivel chair slowly spinning, almost like a ghost was taking a joyride.  

 

He turned to leave, grabbing the doorframe as he went. Before he went, he muttered one last thing.

 

“I could have stopped this. I could have been a better dad.”

 

He left the room, knowing neither him nor Conor would ever return again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for EmotionalTree, who requested any DEH characters with sentence 19! Hope you enjoy!


	19. Pop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood
> 
> "What's all this blood?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I've been a little inactive recently, I've been working on a new story called "1933" that I've been really enjoying writing, and I hope you'll check it out! Just go to my profile and it should be there! Thanks in advance- It'd mean a lot to me, especially if you gave some feedback!

Jeremy sighed. “Fuck my life.” He muttered, washing his hands of blood. The sticky red liquid clung to his fingernails, and he was having a hard time getting it off.

 

“Jer? Jer-Bear? Jeremy?” There was a knock on the door. Michael. “You in there, bro?”

 

“Um, I’ll be out in a second.” He turned off the faucet and flapped his hands wildly, trying to dry them without getting blood on the cloth towel that he was meant to dry his hands on. He rummaged through the bathroom drawer, trying to find the band-aids.

 

“Are you ok? You’ve been in there for a while.” Michael called, growing worried.

 

“Hey, M, where do we keep the band-aids?” Jeremy yelled back.

 

“WHAT? Jeremy, are you ok?” Michael repeated himself.

 

“Yeah, I will be as soon as I find a fucking band-aid.” Jeremy said, trying to stifle the blood still seeping out.

 

“Jeremiah Benjamin Heere, if you don’t open this door right now I’ll break it down.” Michael called, worry creeping into his voice. Jeremy sensed it, and it was starting to make him anxious too. 

 

“You can’t break it down, Michael. You aren’t exactly muscular. Also, don’t call me Jeremiah.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, ignoring the blood now dripping onto the floor.

 

“I’m coming in. Hold on!” There was a thud on the door- Michael ran into it, trying to break it down. Jeremy waited, taking this opportunity to clean up the drops of blood with a tissue. He stuck one of the corners of the kleenex in, marveling as the scarlet liquid traveled up the sides of the aforementioned tissue. Two more thuds came, and then Michael gave up.

 

“I’ll be right back!” Jeremy heard footsteps run down the hall, growing further and further away. He turned back to the cabinet, still not finding any bandaids.

 

A few minutes later, there was a scratching at the door knob. Jeremy paused and turned around just as it popped open, Michael standing behind it triumphant. He held a small unfurled paper clip in his right hand that he had obviously used to jimmy the lock. In his left hand, he held bandaids, bacitracin, and gauze.

 

“Jeremy!” Michael dropped to his knees so that he and Jeremy were at roughly the same eye level. “What the hell happened? What’s all this blood?” He took Jeremy’s hands and stared at the now-drying blood caked under his nails.

 

“The blisters. On my neck. From-” He took a deep breath. “From where the squip shocked me. Repeatedly. Electrical burns cause blisters, ya know?” Jeremy twisted around so that Michael could see. “One of them popped, and… It just wouldn’t stop bleeding. I didn’t want you to worry.”

 

Michael gritted his teeth, beginning to clean up the remaining blood from around the popped crater in his best friend’s neck. “Of course. The squip. That fucking bastard. It’s been months and he’s still causing us pain.”  

 

Jeremy winced as Michael gently applied the bacitracin to the hole. “What do you mean, “us”?”

 

Michael sighed, finishing the job by putting a band-aid on the spot where the blister was. “Yeah. Us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Waste_Of_Space, who requested Michael/Jeremy with sentence 30! Hope you enjoy!


	20. Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke deserves better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter because the requester didn't really fit within the rules of the requests... The next one will be longer since they followed the rules sorry

Brooke Lohst had kept a journal. She had since she was a little girl- it helped her organize her thoughts, her feelings, her crushes...

 

  
May 16: If I could tell her- if I could tell her how good she looks when she wears a messy bun.

 

 

May 23: If I could tell her- if only I could tell her how sweet she is when she cries during Disney movies.

 

 

June 2: If I could tell her- if only I was good enough, if only I was brave enough. If only I deserved her.

 

June 4: I'm not good enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not enough. She deserves better than a glorified sidekick. And that's what I am, isn't it? A sidekick. Comic relief. I'm never going to be the main character. I'm never who the story’s about. Why do I try? What's the point?

 

  
June 5: the point is moot. What matters is that I keep going. I keep trying.

 

June 6: but why? Nobody loves me back. Nobody ever loved me back. Why do I try? If I could tell her that I'm enough, that I'm here, that I love her, would she still be my friend? Would she still accept me? Would she love me?

  
Brooke was beating herself up for someone who didn't even deserve the time of day from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for thisficisliterallyablessing who requested pinkberry with "if I could tell her", which isn't one of the sentences but I made due ok


	21. Text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How funny. You thought I cared."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to get back to my keyboard so I can actually type long things again

Evan had tried, oh trust me he had tried, he had tried time and time again to contact his ex-friend Jared after the truth had come out and all of his past relationships were in shambles.

  
“Maybe this time he’ll pick up.” He'd say to himself every time he called. Jared, of course, never picked up. He read Evan’s texts, but never responded.

  
Until the one day he did.

  
‘What the hell dude, a thousand texts in a month? What the hell is wrong with you?’ Jared texted Evan one day, completely out of the blue.

  
‘Jared! There you are! Listen, dude, I've been meaning to talk to you, it's just you've never responded before and I really feel that we should set some side aside to talk face to face, in a café or somewhere? Can you call me or something?’ Evan replied, trying to say as much as he could in a single text.

  
‘Whoa there Hansen slow the fuck down dude’ Jared replied, seemingly irate.

  
‘I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm not trying to bother you’ Evan texted back, nervous.

  
‘You bothered me when you texted me a thousand times, Hansen.’

  
‘I thought we were, you know, friends? I thought you'd talk to me, even after… All this shit happened…’

  
Jared started his text and deleted it one time, two times, the times. In the end, though, this is what he sent; ‘How funny. You thought I cared.’

  
The words hit Evan as heavily as they would if they were fists. He didn't know how to respond to that.

  
‘You mean nothing to me. You used me.’ Jared continued.

‘I’ Evan was wordless. ‘I didn't-’

  
‘Yes. You did. Why do you think I don't talk to you anymore? You fucking used me.’

  
‘I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!’ Evan typed as quickly as he could.

  
‘Stuff it, Evan.’ Jared typed curtly.

  
‘Jared, is there anything I can do?’

  
‘You can block my number and never text me again.” The reply came quickly. It simultaneously surprised and didn't surprise him. It made sense that Jared would never want to text him again.

 

But it still hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for Remyisanerd, with Kleinsen and sentence 5. Hope you enjoy!


	22. Jared You Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: cheating, blood, fighting
> 
> "Take one more step in that direction and I will kill you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleep and coffee are the two things I want the most in the world but I can't have them at the same time fml

“You cheated on me.” Connor said to Jared. “And you can’t even remember with who.”    
  


“Connor.  _ Babe _ . Really, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” Jared shifted his weight from his left foot to his right. “It meant nothing to me. I was drunk. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more than a little high.”

 

Connor was sitting on his bed, eyes facing the wall, back facing his boyfriend. “You cheated on me.” He repeated, still trying to process it. 

 

“Um. Technically, yes. Emotionally, no.” Jared rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. 

 

“I guess you can’t get emotionally attached to some dude from a different school you fucked at a house party, huh?” Connor said bitterly. 

 

“See, you get it! That’s exactly it!” Jared replied, the sarcasm going right over his head. 

 

“You dumbass. You absolute fucking dumbass.” Connor shook his head, and hugged his knees tight to his chest. 

 

“That’s a little hurtful-” Jared tried to interrupt, but Connor spoke over him. 

 

“A little hurtful? A LITTLE HURTFUL? You broke my heart, Kleinman! You said you loved me! And then you turn around and bang some guy from Middleborough! Not even once, but-” Connor pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled heavily. “Let me get this straight. You cheated on me  _ twice _ .”

 

“Three times, actually-” Jared pointed out, but shut his mouth as he realized that he was making things worse. 

 

“Ah, yes, THREE TIMES. Thanks for reminding me, Jared, you terrible, terrible person. Just fuck off. Get out of here, Kleinman.” Connor snapped, starting to tear up. 

 

“Connor-” Jared slowly creeped toward his increasingly upset boyfriend. 

 

“Take one more step in that direction and I will kill you.” Connor said, looking up. The tears were really starting to flow now.

 

That’s when Jared knew he really fucked up. Connor didn’t just “cry”- he rarely showed any strong display of emotion around other people. He had fucke dup, and he needed to fix it. 

 

“Murphy-” Jared crept forward another inch. In response, Connor whirled around and punched him square in the nose.

 

“AGH!” Jared screamed, cradling his nose, which was now seeping blood like crazy.

 

“I t-told you! Now get out of my sight before I do worse!” Connor roared at Jared.

 

Jared crept out of the room with his metaphorical tail between his legs, looking for a towel to wash off the blood with. 

 

Connor was alone again, and this time he had nobody to turn to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written for JaredTheAsshole (see what I did there) with Conman and sentence 4! Hope you enjoy!


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